Posted by: danielle | June 18, 2013

Tired

Hello dPosse.

So I realize that lately updates have been sporadic at best, and for that I apologize, and attempt to justify it by saying that it’s merely due to the fact that I am going through an extremely odd time in my life right now.  I won’t go into detail because you don’t come here to hear about my problems, but we can just say that I’ve entered this dark, scary spiral of scary self-hatred, depression, and exhausted confusion that I’ve noticed a lot of creative people tend to encounter at one time or another. So, in hopes that it won’t last long and that I can continue to live a fulfilling life without having to continue to see a shrink, imma just keep chugging along.  I’m quite good at that, wouldn’t you agree?

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, I’ve got some things that I need to take care of with you.  I’ve had allllll these itty bitty post ideas rattling around in my brain for ages, but due to my issues, have been unable to rally up the energy/motivation/self-acceptance to write about them.

Well now imma get them outta the way.

Panic Buttons.

Now this post idea came to me the other day when I accidentally pressed the button on my key fob (Spelling?  Yes?  Ok.) in the middle of the parking lot at my local Wal-Mart, and then things got real uncomfortable, because my key fob (I give up) is magical, as the panic button only works one way.  It’ll turn on, sure, but it won’t turn off by the same mere button press that it takes to turn it off.  Oh no.  So there I was,frantically running in circles around my car in a vain attempt to try and figure out how to shut it the heck off, and then all of a sudden, something occurred to me.  Why do we even HAVE panic buttons?  I’d been living under the apparently mistaken impression that panic buttons were supposed to alert people around you if you were being attacked in the vicinity of your car.  Yet, during the ridiculously long time that my button had been blaring, no one had come to save me.  So what does this mean, exactly?  Are panic buttons really only just to help you find your car in a large parking lot?  Or did they have a larger purpose originally, but they go off so often accidentally that no one pays much attention anymore?

As always, I long for your thoughts.

d

Posted by: danielle | June 8, 2013

Sonnets

Posted by: danielle | May 18, 2013

My Brain When Confronted With the Male Species

My Brain When Confronted With the Male Species

Aahhh…the plight of every teenage girl

Posted by: danielle | May 4, 2013

Not Even Sorry

Not Even Sorry

This is my life now dPosse

Posted by: danielle | April 27, 2013

Prompt Shenanigans (8) 2.0

Hello dPosse,

First of all, I’d just like to welcome all of my new followers!  Thanks for being here, guys, and I promise you won’t be disappointed with my stuffs!

In other news, as promised, here’s the second half of Prompt Shenanigans (8).  Enjoy!

I wake up on the beach, feeling like I’ve slept for both only a minute and a hundred years.  It’s an odd feeling.  I roll over and sit up, shaking sand off of myself.  I hear Evan’s voice from somewhere behind me, saying that he hopes I’ve had a nice sleep, but I’m not paying attention to what he’s saying at all.  I see something, on one of the waves in the distance, and immediately get up and run into the water, splashing everywhere.

What I see is color.  A dark cerulean blue, to be exact.  It comes and goes in flashes, and it doesn’t last for long, but I definitely see it, back in the corner of my eye.  I chase after it, wanting to commit it to memory, wanting to save it for the rest of eternity.  The blue flickers again in my vision, and finally turns back to gray.  I stop, waist deep in the waves staring intently at where I knew it was.  Looking for Evan, I turned back towards the beach and mentally shouted some of the most ugly expletives to ever grace the halls of heaven.  I see a shadow on the beach to my left, which I know is Evan, and I glare in his direction.

“I’m sorry, dear,”  I hear him say.  ”I know you want color, but sometimes you have to look a little harder.  Prove that you’re ready.”  I roll my eyes in response to that one, and plop down on the wet sand, my arms crossed with every intention of staying that way for the next hundred years.

“Young ones,” He says with a click of his tongue.  ”Always so stubborn, always wanting everything to happen on their timeline.”  I toss a mean look in his direction and sit, staring into the distance, at that precise spot where I saw the blue mere moments before.  I sit and stare, remaining very still.

I sit and I stare.

I sit and I stare.

I sit and stare for so long I lose thought of everything else.  Just blind, unfaltering  focus.

After what feels like a very very long time- or maybe not much time at all, hard to tell when you’re dead and all- my eyes refocus on everything else besides that one little spot and it all looks very different.  The beach is smaller, shorter, and there’s water all around me.  It almost looks like the water has been pounding for so long on the beach that the sand and stone has eroded away..but that can’t be… can it?

I see Evan standing next to me, and I get up, looking up at him with a querying gaze.

“You’ve been sitting here for some time, young one.  You have proved to me your patience, and you have earned your place here.”  He tells me.  I wonder how long I’ve been sitting here, and I sense that he’s somehow heard me.

“How long?  Quite a while.  Sixteen lifetimes, to be exact.  Fitting, don’t you think? Weren’t you sixteen when you crossed over to us?”  I nod, dumbfounded.  Sixteen lifetimes is an awfully long time to be sitting on a beach.  No wonder it all but eroded away completely around me.  I look back up at Evan with another question, and I can tell he’s smiling.

“Yes, you have.  You have earned your voice.”   I smile, and try to clear my throat.  Unsurprisingly, it feels a little rusty.  I guess sixteen lifetimes of sitting silent will do that to you.  After several rough coughs, I can squeak out a few words.

“Will…will the colors come?”  Evan laughs.

“Yes, can’t you see them?”  I cast my eyes around, and they widen almost instantly.  Everything is suddenly in color again, and what colors they are!  Vibrant, bright, rich reds and yellows and blues.  They’re absolutely exquisite.

Now that I’ve got my colors and voice back, I feel a strange sense of peace, like everything is okay now, that it will be fine if I have to spend the rest of eternity here.  But I do have one more question:

“Where is everyone?”  But as I speak the words, I start to see more translucent forms like Evan coming to view all around me, and I realize they all seem very familiar.

“Why, they’re all here!”  I sit back on my heels, and squint up at everyone.  It’s all okay now.  They’re all here.  I have everything I need.

Posted by: danielle | April 10, 2013

Prompt Shenanigans (8)

Hey dPosse!

Look, I know that this idea has been done to death entirely, but when I read this prompt I really enjoyed thinking about it.  Also this might be a little bit longer than usual, because I’m really getting into this.

The prompt issss: “You’ve died and gone to heaven, only it’s nothing like you’ve imagined. You’re greeted by a guide who gives you a tour and explains what you can expect out of the afterlife. There’s one question you’ve been dying to know and, at the end of the tour, you decide to ask.”

I’m slumped over in my car when I come to, my forehead resting on the deflated airbag slung over the steering wheel.  I lift my head the tiniest bit, surveying the damage all around me: a smashed windshield that scattered powdery glass everywhere, my seat belt twisted and stretched across my chest at an uncomfortable angle, and various pieces of the front of my car littered across the roadway in front of me.  And a bit of the guardrail.  Oh dear.  It all comes back to me now, how I had been cruising along this twisty back road, and screeching around the corners like it was my job.  On one particularly sharp corner, one known for its frequency of hosting bad accidents.  And here I am, sitting in my car accordion-smashed into the guardrail.  It’s a shame really, that I had to die in the same way so many other irresponsible drivers had.

I had died.  I’m dead??  I don’t know how I know that I’m dead, but I thought the words just now as easily as I’d think “I am blonde” or “I have blue eyes”.  ”I am dead”.

I instantly look down at myself and see all of the blood droplets peppering the dashboard, I touch my forehead and feel the wet stickiness of more blood in my hair.  I hurry to unbuckle my seat belt, and push the remnants of the car door away, stumbling out of the seat onto pavement littered with debris.  This very action confuses me.  How am I walking-or stumbling, rather- if I’m dead?  I turn around and look back at my car. Ah.  That’s how.  A woman sits at the wheel of the car, slumped over the steering wheel and covered with glass shards, blond hair wet with blood eclipsing her face.  My face.  Oddly enough, despite the fact that I’m looking at my own dead body lying in my car, I’m really not all that fazed.  Things are weird that way sometimes.

All of a sudden, I see the trees to my right light up gold. I recognize that gold as the color of headlights and realize a car is coming around the corner, and I’m standing in the middle of the road!  What happens now? Can you die twice?? The headlights are now around the corner and I shut my eyes tight and throw my hands up over my face.  But I never feel an impact.  And when I open my eyes again, I’m in a very small room, with gray walls and a gray floor and a gray ceiling and a little white door.

“Welcome, ” A voice to my left says.  I turn quickly to find the speaker, but there’s no one in sight.  My face must reflect my confusion, as the voice continues to speak.

“Oh, gosh, I’m sorry!  I completely forgot that newcomers’ eyes aren’t quite up to par.  Is this a little bit better?”  As I continue to stare in the direction of the invisible speaker, a vague outline of a tall, thin man appeared, a slightly darker gray in color than the surrounding area.  I’m speechless, and still awful confused.  What is this guy, some sort of human chameleon?  The man-or lack thereof- doesn’t seem to be at all put off by my lack of response, as he carries on speaking most casually.

“Well, my dear, my name is Evan, and I’ll be giving you your brief introductory tour of heaven this evening!  Yes, I know what you’re thinking: ‘I’m dead, this is terrible, I had so much to live for, I was so young, what about my family?’  Well, try not to worry just now.  We all have those questions at first, and answers will come, with time.  Now follow me.”  I’m still befuddled as can be, but I do my best to follow this vague outline of a person as he pushes through the white door.  We end up what I assume would be outdoors, but everything looks all funny.  Black and white and gray everywhere, not a color in sight.  And not another person in sight.  I’m looking at what seems to be a generic main street, downtown kind of area in your average small town.  I see a sign for a breakfast place, a laundromat, convenience store, bank, all empty.  Very, very quiet.  I want to ask Evan about it, but I can’t seem to find my voice.  Despite this, Evan still seems to understand my concern.

“Colors will come,” He tells me.  ”Your voice will too. ”  He mentions nothing about the lack of company, and I don’t push the issue.  Well, I can’t anyway. Evan leads me down the sidewalk, walking slowly but with a definite purpose.  Finally he stops in front of a library.  It, like everything else, is in various shades of black, white, and gray, and is empty aside from shelves and shelves of books, and a few comfy chairs, from what I can see from the windows.  ”Here’s where you’ll be spending most of your time,” Evan informs me.  ”All of the newcomers do.  A little solitude and a lot of knowledge can go a long way in helping someone come to peace.  I know that you’ll like it.”  I have to agree with Evan on this one.  It looks full of incredible literature, and I don’t see a nosy librarian in sight.  I guess things are looking up in heaven, after all.  Evan assures me that there will be plenty of time to read after my tour, and leads me down the sidewalk some more, until suddenly the small down dissipates into gray nothingness in the corners of my vision, and Evan and I are now standing on a gray beach.

“We bring souls here to calm them at first,” Evan informs me.  ”This is when they usually start to panic.  Are you afraid at all, young one?”  I nod a little.  I am afraid.  It’s so…different here.  I’m worried.  I don’t want this to be all there is.  Evan seems to hear me, and assures me that it is not.  I lay down on my side in the sand and stare out at the waves.  I am tired; I just want to sleep.

“You shall sleep.  The first sleep in heaven is as short as a minute, and as long as an eternity.  It is during this sleep that you will learn, and so will we.  We will learn to make our heaven your heaven.”  I nod, suddenly very relieved, and snuggle into the sand a little, until I finally fall asleep.

 

Ok guys so I know I haven’t finished the prompt yet, but I’m running out of time tonight and I want to leave you with something, so prompt shenanigans (8) 2.0 will be coming soon!

As always, like and comment it up!

 

danielle

 

Posted by: danielle | March 24, 2013

Super Sleuth

Posted by: danielle | March 16, 2013

Hallway Etiquette (2)

Hey there brotato chips!  Sorry updates have been so sporadic.  Sometimes it takes me a while to get my crap together.

Recently I was walking in the hallway as high school students are wont to do, and I came across another scenario which I thought would be appropriate for another “Hallway Etiquette” post.

So I was walking around all casual…wait.  Let me draw you a map, so you’ve got the lowdown.

Image

Excellent.  Now, I am the eggplant purple dot.  All other hallway personnel are the cerulean or cerise.

HallwayE1

 

Now, I am heading towards the door.  Note the other hallway traveler who is also heading for the door, but in the other direction.  We both continue to walk on our merry ways and then STOP. FREEZE.

What the HECK happens now?

HallwayE1

Who’s supposed to open the door?  Am I just supposed to wait there, holding up traffic, while she opens the door and walks through? Is she supposed to open it for me?  Am I supposed to barge through??

I don’t think you guys understand how badly situations like this stress me out to the max.  It’s one tiny moment in which you can either look perfectly normal or like a grade-A buttface.  And I have absolutely no idea how to handle it.

Please help me.

-dellie

Posted by: danielle | March 10, 2013

Men

dPosse,

I’ll have you know that any man who believes women belong in the kitchen belongs buried in the backyard.  Dead or alive is your choice entirely.

Thank you.

d

Posted by: danielle | February 16, 2013

Prompt Shenanigans (7)

Wassup dPosse?  Hope you all are lovely, hope you passed an excellent St. Valentine’s Day!  I know I was eating my Reese’s Peanut Butter Heart all by my lonesome. Which is good.  All the more for me.

Today’s writing prompt is pretty good, as soon as I saw it I chuckled  a little and decided it was a good prompt for me.  Today’s prompt isss: Things you can do in three minutes

1. Take a very short shower- Trust me, I’ve done it.  May not have been too clean after, but I sure as hell did it.

2. Lose your mom in the grocery store

3. Develop a warning label for yourself

4. Run to the nearest fire hydrant

5. Watch a Vermin Supreme speech- and change your life!

6. Read an angry comment thread on YouTube…Note: also applies to virtually any other place on the internet where people comment

7. Write an acrostic poem with your first name

8. Google another religion completely different from your own

9. Write a summary…for a GIF

10. Make a cup of tea

11. Write a complete story in 6 words

12. Apologize for something that happened a long time ago

13. Give someone your number

14. Cha-Cha around your living room

15. Try on all of the hats you own

16. Do a sun salutation on fast-forward

17. Look for childhood friends on Facebook

18. Register to a completely useless web site

19. Hear “That’s what she said” four times on The Office

20. Practice signing your name in different ways

21. Do cardio

22. Like and share this blog post…yeah okay that one was a little shallow, apologies

23. Make things reaaaal awkward

24. Test the pH of your spit

25. Play a sonatina on an instrument of your choice

26. Make two peanut butter and jelly sandwiches

27. Go on a grass-pulling frenzy

28. Send a fax to a random number- also please let me know if anyone actually faxes anymore because I’m pretty sure no one does

29. Identify a bird in your yard

30. Invent a new holiday

 

So, those are mine, maybe I’ll do a part two sometime!  As always, please like, share, and tell me what you think, and feel free to tell me some of your things to do in three minutes!  Cheers!

 

Lellie

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